I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
