My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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