Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
