my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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