Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize