I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
