and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
