Please, let me fuck your mom
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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