her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
