went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
