I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
