Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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