I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
