the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
