you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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