My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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