shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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