Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
