I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
