I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
