We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
