So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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