Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
