woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
