Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
