we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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