So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
