PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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