yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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