Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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