also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
