so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
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We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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