how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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