dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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