Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
