I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
