do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
