You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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