she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i now understand why vodka
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
