Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
