I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
