My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize