you're like a bully in the Christmas story
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
