I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
