Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
