for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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