It was confusing and full of hummus
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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