We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
