I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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