i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize