sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
