I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
