So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
