I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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