There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
