i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
