O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
