Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
