in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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