He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
