just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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