why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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