I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
