Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
