The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am naked and annoyed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
