i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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