Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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