My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
