Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
