I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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