please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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