I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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