Someone shit on the floor
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
